This happened to me weeks ago. It all started when a friend of mine asked the procedure to do something which I, honestly, couldn't answer. Because it's a sort of important question, I tried to do the best I could to help. My mind began to think and soon after I found a solution, a very good one indeed. I said a very good one because it bridged me to an event I'd been begging for. I was excited to know that my wish was about to be granted. I took the first step then everything went smooth and great. I could say that what happened next really made my day.

Days after, I had second thought about series of events relating to my hope about something. Well, it led me to a conclusion that I should stop. Weird, but it felt so free to let go and then I took a precious lesson that "when there's a will, there's a way" phrase does exist in reality. Sometimes, the way, which eventually reveals the best, doesn't go for a "yes". It often goes for a "no", for my own good. But at least, I won't die wondering what probably would have occurred if I had done this or that. Why? Because I already did it, I have already answered my own question, my own hope by taking a leap of faith and accepting to act.

Yes, now I believe that when someone hopes so badly, sometimes in a series of exceptional events, the way emerges and leaves her/him with a choice, to act or to stay silent. And after choosing, well, the rest is God's business.

Will and Way

Kalau saya boleh memilih, saya tentu akan lebih suka menjelajah Jakarta dengan mobil pribadi. Alasannya klise : nyaman, sejuk, damai, dan aman. Terlebih suasana dan cuaca Jakarta begitu keras. Tapi setiap perjalanan dengan kendaraan umum selalu membawa cerita berbeda. Selalu ada hal yang baru tiap hari, entah supir baru atau kenek baru, penumpangnya, suasananya. Wajarlah ya, namanya juga fasilitas umum. 

Selama kurang lebih enam tahun, saya berkutat dengan puluhan penumpang lain yang menumpang hidup pada bis yang sama, ratusan orang lain yang berdesakan di kereta yang sama, dan beberapa manusia lain yang duduk menerawang keluar sementara angkot yang kami tumpangi terus melaju menembus hujan.

Semestinya bukan menjadi suatu rekreasi ketika harus berdiri di bis yang penuh sesak atau kereta yang terlalu penuh hingga bernapas saja sulit. Tapi, entahlah, setiap perjalanan selalu memberikan inspirasi di balik cerita dan tingkah laku pemerannya. Tiap orang dengan latar belakang yang berbeda namun menggantung hidup pada satu supir atau masinis yang sama. It inspires me in such weird way. 


Kadang rekreasi itu bertambah ketika pengamen jalanan mulai memetik gitar, membersihkan pita suara dan bernyanyi. Jangan tanya kualitas mereka. Tidak sedikit yang berbakat, bahkan piawai menggesek biola atau meniup harmonika. Ada yang menyanyikan tembang lawas dengan suara dibuat-buat mirip Ebiet G. Ade. Lainnya menyanyikan berbagai genre musik masa kini. Mulai dari brit pop hingga pop melayu. Dari Nidji hingga Kangen Band.

Lucunya, saya tidak bisa semena-mena menyuruh mereka berhenti bersenandung. Saya tidak bisa seenaknya bertindak. Mau tidak mau saya harus mendengar suara fals mereka tidak peduli betapa buruknya suasana hati saya hari itu. Mau tidak mau saya harus menahan kantuk karena takut tersesat. Mau tidak mau saya harus bertoleransi dengan penumpang lain dan kegiatan mereka. Entah ibu-ibu baru pulang dari pasar dan tidur sembarangan atau mbak-mbak ABG yang curhat dengan temannya tentang pacarnya yang selingkuh.

Semua itu hanya segaris cerita tentang jalanan. Buat saya, jalanan seperti miniatur. Miniatur kerasnya hidup di ibukota Jakarta. Saya tidak memungkiri betapa saya ingin berjuang agar tidak selamanya menumpang fasilitas umum. Saya juga tidak menolak kalau orang tua saya meminjamkan kunci mobil untuk saya. Namun, saya tahu bahwa saya akan rindu dan kehilangan sesuatu. Ya, jalanan dan dinamikanya...

Setiap Ruas

I was just walking my own blog and found a fun fact, I haven't written things about love and relationship things since err... well it's been a long time. Quite frankly, I really am a single right now and currently not even thinking (and feeling) about changing my relationship status on Facebook to in a relationship or widow, or widowed, or none ya simply because I enjoy being a single. No, no need to worry. I'm not about to write things about my own love story or someone I adore out there (being a single doesn't mean that my cute-handsome-cool-great-boys alert is turned off).

It all started when a good friend of mine re-tweeted a quote of the difference between boys and girls, in a relationship. It seemed like girls become victims in many painful relationships. Besides, weeks ago I chatted with some friends about relationship issue and found that in many ways, girls are hurt because of boys' attitude. 

I'm not writing here as a feminist. After thinking about human relationships, I, somehow, had a conclusion that girls are not always become the victims because actually we should see a relationship, especially romantic one (whether between heterosexuals or homosexuals), as an equal relationship among two parties who  are willing to make things work between them (well you may read this as love).

That's just how about girls and boys react after the crash. Okay, I give you illustrations. This one is played by B and C (ha I know it doesn't distinguish anything haha).

http://s3prod.weheartit.netdna-cdn.com/images/5591388/OgAAABFS7SnXCi89ap10Bi4mua8O2W4S-qepXlpCESpmG1d4xax4MkQj5LilPBEJKFhifO-tW4pilXsbfDAjvc_pHb0Am1T1UIs2sLnHt1Ii1HHsS5MvD6uQ-cw4_large.jpg?1292606960

B and C are in a romantic relationship and on a blue night (if you're Indonesian, you read that one as malam biru referring to a song made popular by a talented Indonesian male singer), they had a fight, a very big one. They didn't break up but decided to take a time alone to figure the relationship. On the next night, B went with their buddies, and C did too.

B : Yeah, we had a fight last night and... (started sobbing)..well, I just can't believe that...we just might end the relationship...(and continued blabbering, exaggerated things and stresses were on and B ended up crying).

And this what happened to C.

C : Yeah, we fought last night (started drinking or smoking or playing cards).Well, I love the relationship but....huff... I don't know what to do, it's getting complicated (and continued the story while figuring the solution but ended up drinking or smoking or playing cards, still).

Well, you may think it's most likely that B's a girl and C's a boy.  I'm not trying to make it in general that girls are fragile or such since we know independent, strong girls out there. The point is what most differentiates boys and girls in relationships is the way the communicate, the way they express feelings. It's when troubles come, the victims are both parties (in such a healthy relationship). It's another way to say, stop putting girls as victims or you, girls, stop being one. Girls, boys, both are human, with feelings and thoughts. Similarities and differences between them is what make a life and relationships beautiful.


Well, enough blabbering, I'm signing out.

http://s3prod.weheartit.netdna-cdn.com/images/5293222/tumblr_lcbaq5Jke51qd1te6o1_500_large.jpg?1291409265

PS : That malam biru thing, hm, I was trying to make a joke ha sorry.

Boys and Girls

I'm extremely busy nowadays. It's now common to get home at night and then directly hit the bed. And it got me think, what is the aim of all these? I just...hope for the best and pray that these efforts turn

good.

And I Hope Nothing Turns Blue

Since I was a kid, I've been wondering what "ever after" phrase would be truly like. I name it, on my mind,  ever after means happiness with no limit of time and space. But as I grow older, it seems to be so imaginative and...a little bit manipulative.

I'm not only talking about lovey dovey thingy which appears to be so beautiful and so, makes you wanna feel it like forever. Things are varied around us and we, basically, want them to be greatly arranged, all the time. In fact, they go down, sometimes. They can't always  stand for good (in this case, I call myself living witness of good-things-which-slowly-falls-apart).

I don't put the blame on the creator of Cinderella which forced my mind that forever and ever does exist. Well, it's not his/her fault either to create that such ending. Honestly, after thinking of stuffs, I blame myself. 

Most of the time, I only see how a story ends, without considering the process itself. To be honest, Cinderella was being tortured by her stepmother and stepsisters before meeting her prince charming. Okay, she still looks gorgeous even while mopping the terrace. However, no need to ask how the story drew the cruelty of her stepmother and stepsisters. Don't you think that she deserves the happiness ever after?

Briefly, I think all people deserve it. No matter how happy your life seems like, we're (all) suffering over some things.  And that's the point. I still believe that (though it sounds too good to be true) "forever and ever" does exist. But there are matters we should get over, we should forget, we should beat down, before experiencing the happily ever after. It does exist. And should be championed.

Forever and Ever

Saya sedang tertarik dengan bagaimana setiap orang memvisualisasikan kisahnya di hadapan orang.

Saya punya teman yang kisah hidupnya ruaarr biasa. Saya tidak pernah menyangka bahwa saat dia tertawa begitu lepas di depan saya, hatinya menjerit di saat yang bersamaan. Saya juga punya teman yang hidupnya, yaa bisa dibilang, indah. Tapi, dia buat sendiri distractions yang akhirnya membuat dia terlihat seolah-olah selalu dirongrong persoalan.

Saya sering jadi saksi hidup orang-orang yang bersandiwara di hadapan publik. Namun, sandiwara ini bukan seperti tangisan buaya artis yang meninggalkan kekasih gelapnya, ya. Orang-orang ini dengan riang menebar senyum dan meyapa orang dengan ramah walaupun suasana hatinya kacau karena tidak sanggup membeli sekadar roti untuk mengganjal perut di pagi hari. Kali ini, saya tidak melihat sandiwara sebagai hal yang buruk. Karena menurut saya, tidak membebankan orang dengan raut muka sedih dan kacau adalah hal sederhana yang baik adanya.

Saya tidak menghakimi demonstrative people yang secara eksplisit menunjukkan suasana hatinya kepada dunia. Ya, itu kan hak. Lagipula secara jujur, saya juga sering begitu :D. Tapi, still, saya salut sama tipe manusia yang pertama saya deskripsikan. Biar bagaimana, membahagiakan orang juga bisa dengan sederhana ditunjukkan dengan cara di atas, kan?

Ah, saya mau belajar seperti itu... :)

Night Tale

But how do you thank someone, who has taken you from crayons to perfume?

It isn't easy, but I'll try,

If you wanted the sky I would write across the sky in letters,

That would soar a thousand feet high,

To Sir, with Love

That's a lot to learn,

What, what can I give you in return?

If you wanted the moon I would try to make a start,

But I, would rather you let me give my heart,

To Sir, with Love.... 

To Sir With Love, initially recorded by Lulu

That's song from Glee's Journey Episode. What a touching song, huh? 

I'm not talking about the song or the episode either. I honestly want to share what suddenly came up on my mind while listening to it. I was thinking about being thankful.

I realize how often I grumble about things I don't possess, about problems I face, about people around me, about every single thing. Sometimes, sadly, I must be warned by unlucky random people who cross my way or stay near me. Then, I'll feel like I'm, at least, better than those random people. Sound selfish, huh? But hell yeah, most people, including me, do some comparisons to feel good or secure.

I once was taught that we, human, should not compare the gifts we have to somebody's gifts. We're personally given one life. And it's not recommended to compare. But it's still so hard, for me, to be thankful for who I am, for what I have, not for what I can do and others can't.

Lately, I feel like my life is such a gift. And I feel pretty good because of that. And as what the lyric said, what can I give in return? Well, maybe I've just discovered the answer. That's also my life that I can give in return, in different form of gift.

http://whi.s3.prod.lg1x8.simplecdn.net/images/2681309/4708823634_40d8eabdf9_large.jpg?1277145761

Thank You

http://www.blogthedayaway.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/01-300x168.jpg

Janitor : “I just wanna say something before we kiss okay. To the guests, thanks for coming even though I didn’t want you here. I know that I’m weird, but you know you’d be weird too if your mother aged backwards like mine did. So the thing is I always kinda figured that I’d end up alone… and then you came along. And you don’t just accept my quirks and my crazy stories, and my lies about my mom… you actually appreciate me for them. And I’ll never stop appreciating you for that. I know I’ll never stop loving you for it.”

I was speechless. The words stopped me for a while, thinking how nice it was. Don't you wish a lover who's a lot like Lady? Me? Yeah.

My Soul on Fire Part 2

I was walking my own blog when I stumbled on a post titled Despicable Me. I once promised to share my thoughts about the movie (but forgot it for a while, sorryyy). And yes, this post is dedicated for that promise.

I could personally say that the movie's second best animation movie after Up. I couldn't stop thinking about good values the movie brought to my mind and heart. It sent the message through funny and silly jokes, good scenario, and appropriate casts. The sequence of events in that movie guided me to the conclusion that everybody deserves to be loved.

We're not only talking about certain kind of love here. It's more about warm love, the good one, the love itself. The story was about a not-so-young super criminal named Gru (Steve Carell) who was dying to steal the moon (it's so silly, I know). 

http://www.entertainmentwallpaper.com/images/desktops/movie/despicable_me06.jpg

Then he adopted three kids from an orphanage. 

http://img3.immage.de/30061d8despicableme14.jpg

Through several events, the heartless villain turned into a warm man who had no power to not love the kids and creatures around him.

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxEeMPEYgSw841JDJwFs_vdLUIJn1VdiPQmo6LI4UkrTFwi6_9nJPVxriAgl1kO5WYWQyYxDN9McoZbbCk1PBzqzvpgHy1hyr3lGUobHW2tmzoedNNWt-10YBNEWKggEVkRFUFQEJopzJG/s1600/despicable_me_movie_image_03.jpg

I adored how the three kids goofed around. They were so annoying yet charming and loving. They had no idea that Gru was a super villain. They had no aim, either, to change Gru. The best thing about this movie is how natural the kids acted. They were sincere. These little kids could affect a villain's heart.

Well, I know it's only a movie where imaginations gathered and seemed to make everything possible. Back to reality, I know it sounds too imaginative to change a villain's heart. I, personally, often hate people who turn my life upside down and call them villain. I used to say that they didn't deserve anybody's compassion. I don't even think to change their hearts. Walking away from them is the best.

But this movie has changed my mind. Well, even it's still hard to not avoid them, I slowly open my heart to forgive. And yes, I no longer say that they didn't deserve to be loved because in the end, we're all human who are basically willing to love and to be loved, huh?

When Worst Criminal was Touched by Love

I was having writer's block when this blog's statistics went down last week. Thanks to my Dorian who gave me such illuminating idea about growing up stuffs. So, here I am, sharing my opinions about it.

I used to think that maturity is something which comes along with the increasing number of candles you blow every year on your birthday. I used to expect that people older than me could understand my (childish) behavior. I used to wish that elderly buddies could give wise advices on matters I faced.

But then, these things happened : I witnessed people, who has more then 20 candles on their next birthday, crying over something they should had forgotten, I listened to same old love story from elderly friends who kept falling into the same hole, and I watched my Dorian fooling his friends around with such funny-yet-improper hoaxes that are normally thrown by a five-years-old kid.

Oppositely, my so-called friend who was an early teen gave me a comforting counsel when I was so terribly sad and confused and I knew some younger acquaintances who suddenly acted maturely and saved my day.

I was shocked at first to recognize the childish side of adult and was also mesmerized by the maturity of some young people.


I, then, looked at myself. My 17th birthday was about 3 months ago and I don't even think that I've grown up so well. I had been spending my time being a kid for about 16 years and couple of months. I said that I was mature enough to have boyfriend when my mom asked me to consider my relationship. I said that I was mature enough to choose on universities (which really is not me) I would take when my family asked me to consider the options. I said that I was mature enough to do this and that, realizing that my age was called appropriate to do this that and bla bla.


Frankly, I was not that mature.


Maturity isn't something which comes along with the increasing age. When you grow older, you're, honestly, expected to grow up, to grow wiser, to grow better. It's something that should be earned, should be achieved as you'll face bigger challenges. Sometimes, the childish side of an adult comes up, and it really is okay, normal, since we're human. The most important thing is we learn not only how to move the cupboard we couldn't switch when we're kid, but also how to move on with our lives. That's evolving, I guess.

images source : www.weheartit.com

Evolving

Nobody says it was easy to live under pressure. Tapi, manusia tidak selamanya hidup enak dan berada di atas awan ya ga?

Jadi, sebenarnya gue menulis ini karena ada api yang memicu (tidak, api ini tidak ada hubungannya dengan main hati wehehe). Gue adalah murid les mengemudi untuk sebulan ini dan beneran ya ternyata nyetir itu ga gampaaaang. Dua belas jam belajar nyetir adalah dua belas jam termelelahkan sepanjang tahun ini. Apalagi dua jam terakhir yang digunakan untuk belajar mundur dan parkir bersama guru yang (agak) galak.

Oke, gue tidak mau bercerita tentang les nyetirnya, kawan. Gue ingin share tentang sinkronisasi otak, hati, dan tubuh pada masa-masa suram, maksudnya saat under pressure gitu. Sudah lama tidak melatih kemampuan ini sejak masa-masa kaderisasi SMA dan les mengemudi benar-benar mengingatkan gue betapa pentingnya life skill ini.

Now I praise "kader". Masa-masa ini aah tak mungkin dilupakan hahha. Di sinilah pertama kali gue belajar menyeimbangkan otak, hati, dan tindakan saat terpojok dan "gelap". Kadang-kadang tindakan yang terjadi saat-saat "gelap" kayak gitu keluar spontan dari anggota tubuh sebelum sempat disaring sama otak dan/atau hati.

Gue coba ilustrasikan :

Guru (bayangkan guru terkiller dengan intonasi tinggi dan mata hendak membunuh) : Jadi ya kamu sering bgt telat. Rumah di depan gerbang belakang sekolah. Apa susahnya sih bangun 5 menit lebih pagi aja pasti kamu ga terlambat lagi. Saya aja rumahnya jauh ga pernah terlambat kayak kamu.

Murid (otak blank, semua terasa suram, shout unconsciously) : Aduh, Pak(atau Ibu tergantung imajinasi lo tadi), ini saya sampe bela-belain ga pake deodoran dan belom sikat gigi. Untung aja masih sempet pake underware warna biru kesayangan saya yang matching sama tas yang saya pake. Ini demi saya ngejar pelajaran Bapak (atau Ibu), loch. Lagian saya cuma terlambat 7 menit, biasanya 15 meniiiit tauk.

Then you can imagine an awkward moment and what happens afterwards.

Ketika lo mampu berpikir jernih, proses tindakan lo adalah otak atau hati dulu, tanya hati bentar atau mikir logisnya dulu, baru bertindak kan? Saat suram biasanya jalur ini digunting seenaknya atau malah ya ga melalui proses itu karena lo membiarkan anggota tubuh lo bertidak seenak jidat. See? Okay, mungkin tidak seekstrim itu dengan jadi membuka rahasia lo untuk jadi konsumsi publik dan bahan ketawaan sampe setahun ke depan, kemungkinan besar malah si murid itu bakal diem aja. Tapi diam tidak selamanya emas kan. The solution might be as simple as apologizing.

Gue punya banyaaaaaak sekali pengalaman dan tau banyak kisah tentang hal ini. Kebanyakan berefek negatif pada akhirnya. Pernah denger orang kalap dan langsung mendorong pisau ke dada orang yang menghina dia kan? Nah, segitu efeknya ketika orang tidak mampu mengontrol diri berada di bawah tekanan.


Thus, I consider this as an essential life skill. To think and act rationally in such irrational or difficult situation is a serious business and worth to be learned, huh?

Under Pressure

Remember the days of your childhood? 

I'm sure you do. No, don't say that your miseries have buried those remembrance of  sincere smiles, loud laughs, annoying cries, and silly questions about the universe.

Remember the years of junior and senior high?

I'm certain you do. No, don't say you plan to fire the memories. You can't lie to your own heart that you still keep those stories about hating school time, cheating your friends' papers, lying to teachers and parents, skipping classes, gossiping with your all-time buddies, falling in love with your schoolmate(s), keeping yourself busy with a lot of extracurriculars, and making great projects or only spending quality time with your friends during holiday.

Do you also remember what it's like to be in love?

Nah ja, i think nothing can kill somebody's perception about the beauty of falling in love. Even if you accidentally have acute amnesia, you'll feel your heart beating when it comes to the happiness of being together with your love in not or not-so or so romantic atmosphere, laughing over your lover's unfunny jokes, having quarrels, talking deeply about things, enjoying the heavy traffic because you have him/her next to you (even you know it would get you home late), walking side by side along the sidewalk to the nearest bistro, or simply watching sun go down.

And you don't forget how it feels like when you're trapped in darkest point of your life, do you?

Some wounds remain still in your heart no matter how hard you think you've tried to forgive or/and forget. Sometimes, you give excuses to yourself to reopen the moments of losing things or people, hurting or being hurt, running from responsibilities, failures, cries, and perhaps realizing that the truth is a contrary to your dream.

To be honest, I hate it when I must be apart with good things and I also hate it when I should deal with bad moments.


Sometimes, I'm just not brave enough to wave goodbye when it should end, especially when it's too good to be left behind. Frankly, I've already put them all to the book of my history, and for some things like high school, they happened without repetition in the future.

While writing this post, I suddenly found a similarity among those conditions. It's the fact that I'm not into one of those. I'm no longer a child, I've already graduated from high school, I'm currently not in such romantic love, and I'm also not in darkest point in my life.

I've passed it all, for now. But why am I still able to recognize the feeling like I'm into it? Maybe, since I've done dealing with those conditions, the thrills between hellos and goodbyes left footprints, memories, stories.

And now, while I'm busy planning and dreaming about future, I'm no longer afraid of changes, at least for now. Yes, in life, there will always be hello and goodbye to every little thing happening under the sky. Fortunately, human is able to sense the thrills between every meeting and every separation and also (sometimes) pretty wise to take good lessons from things. That's precious, I guess.

"I can not set my hopes too high, 'cause (even I know) every hello ends with a goodbye (the thrills, memories, and good lessons still need them both to appear)."

 Originally quoted by Demi Lavato.

All images were grabbed from www.weheartit.com

Hello Goodbye

Seminggu lebih kayaknya absen ngeblog, kangen juga. Selama hiatus ini, badan gue tidak mengalami banyak pergerakan, tapi otak gue melancong jauh (read : berpikir keras). Yang gue pikirin sederhana sih sebenarnya, pengalaman-pengalaman gue (which are mostly) yang ga enak. Haha agak aneh sih sama diri sendiri, udah ga enak tetep aja dipikirin. Dan dan, salah satu benang merah dari runtutan pengalaman itu adalah : kehilangan.

No, no, jangan harap menemukan curahan hati yang standar orang buat di diary. Gue (lagi) nggak mau curhat menye-menye di sini. Gue cuma ingin share buah pikiran gue selama beberapa hari dalam kesunyian sebuah kota kecil di selatan Jawa Tengah. Di sana gue pure liburan tapi yang gue dapet malah ilham tentang banyak hal.

Oke, basically, gue percaya semua orang pernah, akan, dan selalu kehilangan. Gampangnya aja, setiap orang kehilangan waktu, ya kan? Sejujurnya, I'm good at losing things but unfortunately bad at finding them back. Yang ini kayaknya emang bakat terpendam yang tidak produktif tapi gue miliki haha. Gue sering (bgt) kehilangan dari mulai kertas jawaban peer yang udah selesai (jaman SMA nih, udah lewat haha), akte kelahiran (yang ini hampir, kalo ilang beneran bisa dianggap anak apa gue), nametags, uang, handphone, granny, crushs, bfs, sampe yang baru-baru ini kuitansi pembayaran wisuda.

Nah, gue coba bagi 2 : kehilangan barang dan kehilangan manusia. Dua-duanya sama sama ga enak, tapi ga enaknya beda. Dua-duanya menyedihkan tapi menurut gue solusinya sama. Dan, dua-duanya serupa tapi tak sama.

Mulai dulu dari kehilangan barang. Yang paling gue inget adalah pas handphone hadiah keterima di smabels ilang. Dan sampai detik ini gue masih inget ilangnya pas sepupu gue yang paling lucu lahir, 28 Oktober 2004. Sampe detik ini, gue juga masih inget rasa keselnya kayak apa. Gue lalu dihukum beberapa bulan terputus komunikasi dengan masyarakat luas (boong deng jaman gue kelas 1 SMP kan hp ga begitu fungsional buat gue) dan akhirnya bokap nyokap ga tega juga ngeliat gadis kecilnya kehilangan dunia sosialnya (yang ini boong juga, kalo jaman sekarang mah, mungkin iya, gue dulu punya hp buat maen bounce haha) kemudian memberikan pengganti yang lebih canggih dooonggg setelah gue mengikhlaskannya digondol maling.

Lalu, masih banyak kehilangan lain, tapi intinya miriplah.

Nah, sekarang kehilangan manusia. Dari pengalaman gue pribadi, rasanya jauh jauh lebih menyakitkan daripada kehilangan barang ya, apalagi kalo orang tersebut punya hubungan yang cukup dekat dan pernah berharga. Kadang kehilangan kenalan aja rasanya ga enak kan apalagi kehilangan orang yang berarti. Gue ga pernah sih kehilangan sahabat dan tidak akan pernah mau juga meskipun dalam dunia ini mungkin saja terjadi putus hubungan pertemanan.

Terlepas dari rasa sakitnya, lama waktu penyembuhan, intensitas kepentingan, dan kronologis kejadiannya, apapun yang hilang, tetep aja kehilangan itu sama sekali ga enak. Yang menggelitik sinaps neuron gue dan hati nurani gue adalah hal ga enak selalu terjadi pada manusia. Jadi, silogismenya manusia selalu mengalami kehilangan.

Ironis ya?

Nggak! Sama sekali nggak. We may mourn but hey wake up, don't you think that everything is given? So what if it's taken back? Why don't let them go wholeheartedly?

Simple kedengerannya. Faktanya berat. Wajarlah, menurut gue kalo ga kehilangan malah sense of possesionnya patut dipertanyakan. Sampai detik ini, teori di atas masih menjadi peer kehidupan pribadi gue. Tapi yang jelas, gue percaya di balik setiap hal ada maksudnya. Termasuk kehilangan. Atau mungkin juga kan kehilangan itu ujian atas sense of belonging dan kemampuan manusia menghargai apa yang dimilikinya? Ya, mungkin saja.

"You don't know what you've got till it's gone"

Dan Akhirnya Hilang

Life is terrifying, isn't it? You have guarantee on... nothing. Everything changes every year, every month, every second. We never know what future might bring. We never know whether our plans will succeed or cease in trash bin. We never know whether our feeling towards someone will always remain the same or change in a matter of glimpse. We don't even know what will happen in the next second. However, there's a word that keeps my heart and mind from scarifying the future. I call it hope.

A Heart of Matters

What if something you want the most flies away?

It's simple. Let go.

The ugly truths are :

1. My heart is wounded.

2. I spent hours to cry, liters of tears.

3. I realize that letting go is not as easy as it sounds.

After all, I still believe there's rainbow after the rain. I've done my best to preserve what I wanted. I gave up. I'm sure time has the answer of everything. I'm sure God has beyond-my-expectation ways when all I have is a deadlock.

The Ugly Truth(s)

Talking about life might cause hard feeling upon me. I have problems and I'm sure you do as well. But all I know is my problems are great enough to break me even it may only be common problems all teenagers face.

I was tired of those messy things and I cried amongst serenity. I was being a dumb for crying. I should not cried, nothing bad had happened. Everything was cool and on its place. I was like, having a big hole inside then cried for that silly reason. I exaggerated everything; bad moments, bad thoughts. They killed my heart, my positive energy, slowly.

God helped me, in right time, right place, right surrounding. I suddenly realized that I was ungrateful. I thought of things I lost or I have never had, most of the time. The speech slapped me. It's true. I don't have everything I want, but all my needs are fulfilled.

Looking back to the past left no more pain. Memories will always be memories. I'll have another moment someday, and I'm sure of it. I'm now walking my path, arranging my future, and enjoying every second of it.

I know it's not easy, nobody says it was. But I'll overcome it someday. All I've got to do is believing and putting my hopes on the hand of my God Almighty.

9:22 PM