Dear something-on-my-mind-which-keeps-me-sleeping-early,


I hate you. I hate you for letting myself feel tired and not finishing my tasks.
How to make you go.....? I wanna have sleepless nights like others do.



With hatred and curses,

Someone who-sleeps-more-than-6-hours-a-day.

Grrgh

"Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment"

Lao Tzu-

So True

There comes moment when you want to share your joy but you have no idea where and how to start. It's not because you miss some details; otherwise, you're overwhelmed by details. 

You know, it goes the same way for you, outer space. All I know is that I am happy..... no err what is the name...(gosh I can't even find better diction in English to describe my weird cheerful gesture, silly smiles, and unexplained sudden red face each time people mention your name or us).

In this point, what else I should ask for. 

Oh, dear God, thank You, for being unpredictably wonderful.

Skips Beat

Seorang asisten dosen yang cantik, pintar, baik hati, suatu hari pernah berkata bahwa ekspektasi membuat kita berperilaku seperti apa yang kita pikir, hingga akhirnya ekspektasi itu jadi realita. Dia jelaskan dengan kurva, angka, dan fakta. Lucunya, tulisan-tulisan di papan tulis itu, yang kemungkinan keluar di lembar soal UAS, tidak semenarik itu buat saya. Kata-katanya lebih menggelitik, membuat saya sejenak menarik mundur diri untuk berpikir.

Saya tahu kalau mau dihubungkan dengan motivasi,  hubungan kata-kata kakak cantik itu adalah dengan positive thinking, self support, dll. Sejenak berdiam. Saya tahu. Yang menarik justru ketika saya sadar saya kadang tak bisa paksakan ekspektasi, tidak mampu mengukur seberapa pantas saya untuk sebuah ekspektasi atau seberapa jauh sebenarnya saya dapat bertindak agar menjadi pantas untuk sebuah ekspektasi.  Lawak ya. Tapi sungguh nyata buat saya. 

Belakangan hidup saya sangat dekat dengan harapan. Tapi saya tau kadang harapan itu kosong. Atau setidak-tidaknya begitu volatile, hingga menguap sesaat setelah terisi dan saya sedang berusaha raih. Hasilnya? Luka hati.

Ha, tapi tak apalah. Kata orang, inilah hidup.

Jakarta, 16 Mei 2011

Saya Takut Nyatanya

Sincere greetings spread warmth to stubborn heart. With no hestitation, I said that it's all good on me. Heeh, it went wrong. Wrong. Then thank you, for waking me up from long, ironic dream. For showing me that I am... I am not that well.

Hey, dreaming of tomorrow only brings uncertainty. Though, it's not serendipity either. But I promise thee; this sketched picture of us will be hung on the star-sprayed corner. 

Thank you, for the light bulb.

http://data.whicdn.com/images/8363282/tumblr_livhvbzH8E1qhujmoo1_500_large.jpg?1301507631

Gotta Know

It's very common to feel some sparks inside when certain songs are played or out of nowhere some pictures slide on your screen.... or maybe when you visit historical places which bring you back to special events.

It's very human when your brain rolls, performs memories and then your heart takes a glimpse of feeling  that used to run inside your vein.

It's indescribable when your brain does so, in contrary, your heart rattles on nothing.

And you start asking this unsynchronized relationship between heart and mind which appears unusual. What is actually happening?

It's weird, weird. Weird.

Hey, A Beautiful Mess, why are you stop beating?

Exception

Semua bermula dari obrolan ringan lebih dari setengah tahun lalu. Tak ada yang terlalu istimewa kecuali berkenalan dengan beberapa orang baru. Perbincangan kami tak berbobot. Tipikal omongan kosong, basa basi, sekedar usaha mengenal lebih dekat. Dan itu semua berujung, di suatu ide menerima satu tantangan baru. Sore itu berakhir, kami pun sepakat akan suatu hal sederhana. Yang tak pernah aku tahu, itu awal dari sesuatu.

Tantangan itu harus terwujud. Harus itu menuntut usaha. Kami tak segan. Kami berusaha keras.

Tapi, gagal. Langkah kami terhenti.

Menerima kenyataan pahit tidak pernah menjadi suatu perkara sepele, Kawan. Kau pertaruhkan hati dan seluruh harga dirimu saat realita merasuki otakmu untuk mengakui segala hal nyata adanya. Di situlah kau mulai kehilangan kontrol atas dirimu sendiri. Hingga egomu berontak dan menolak. Sungguh sekarang akan kuberitahu. Itu semua sia-sia.

Waktu seakan menjadi perpanjangan tangan Tuhan untuk mengeluarkan manusia keluar dari rangkap kebodohan yang dia ciptakan sendiri. Terkadang itu tidak berarti kau lupa. Itu berarti kau mendapat jawaban atas setiap kekecewaanmu.

Aku pun demikiann. Satu per satu tanyaku usai terjawab. Setiap kejadian bak potongan cerita yang perlahan selesai dirangkai oleh Sang Esa. Hingga kini tak ada kemunafikan bersembunyi di balik tatapan mata. Tak ada lagi kecerian palsu. Usai. Ya, usai sudah.

Lalu aku tergelitik. Terkadang, manusia terlalu dangkal menyelami setiap makna yang tersirat dalam. Sering sekali manusia menjadi terlalu bodoh untuk memahami skenario cerdik. Lucunya, selalu kita lupa bahwa Tuhan itu... Penulis Agung.

 Sekarang kau tanya kabarku? Kuberi tahu, aku bersyukur, luar biasa. 

I was just walking my own blog and found a fun fact, I haven't written things about love and relationship things since err... well it's been a long time. Quite frankly, I really am a single right now and currently not even thinking (and feeling) about changing my relationship status on Facebook to in a relationship or widow, or widowed, or none ya simply because I enjoy being a single. No, no need to worry. I'm not about to write things about my own love story or someone I adore out there (being a single doesn't mean that my cute-handsome-cool-great-boys alert is turned off).

It all started when a good friend of mine re-tweeted a quote of the difference between boys and girls, in a relationship. It seemed like girls become victims in many painful relationships. Besides, weeks ago I chatted with some friends about relationship issue and found that in many ways, girls are hurt because of boys' attitude. 

I'm not writing here as a feminist. After thinking about human relationships, I, somehow, had a conclusion that girls are not always become the victims because actually we should see a relationship, especially romantic one (whether between heterosexuals or homosexuals), as an equal relationship among two parties who  are willing to make things work between them (well you may read this as love).

That's just how about girls and boys react after the crash. Okay, I give you illustrations. This one is played by B and C (ha I know it doesn't distinguish anything haha).

http://s3prod.weheartit.netdna-cdn.com/images/5591388/OgAAABFS7SnXCi89ap10Bi4mua8O2W4S-qepXlpCESpmG1d4xax4MkQj5LilPBEJKFhifO-tW4pilXsbfDAjvc_pHb0Am1T1UIs2sLnHt1Ii1HHsS5MvD6uQ-cw4_large.jpg?1292606960

B and C are in a romantic relationship and on a blue night (if you're Indonesian, you read that one as malam biru referring to a song made popular by a talented Indonesian male singer), they had a fight, a very big one. They didn't break up but decided to take a time alone to figure the relationship. On the next night, B went with their buddies, and C did too.

B : Yeah, we had a fight last night and... (started sobbing)..well, I just can't believe that...we just might end the relationship...(and continued blabbering, exaggerated things and stresses were on and B ended up crying).

And this what happened to C.

C : Yeah, we fought last night (started drinking or smoking or playing cards).Well, I love the relationship but....huff... I don't know what to do, it's getting complicated (and continued the story while figuring the solution but ended up drinking or smoking or playing cards, still).

Well, you may think it's most likely that B's a girl and C's a boy.  I'm not trying to make it in general that girls are fragile or such since we know independent, strong girls out there. The point is what most differentiates boys and girls in relationships is the way the communicate, the way they express feelings. It's when troubles come, the victims are both parties (in such a healthy relationship). It's another way to say, stop putting girls as victims or you, girls, stop being one. Girls, boys, both are human, with feelings and thoughts. Similarities and differences between them is what make a life and relationships beautiful.


Well, enough blabbering, I'm signing out.

http://s3prod.weheartit.netdna-cdn.com/images/5293222/tumblr_lcbaq5Jke51qd1te6o1_500_large.jpg?1291409265

PS : That malam biru thing, hm, I was trying to make a joke ha sorry.

Boys and Girls

http://www.blogthedayaway.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/01-300x168.jpg

Janitor : “I just wanna say something before we kiss okay. To the guests, thanks for coming even though I didn’t want you here. I know that I’m weird, but you know you’d be weird too if your mother aged backwards like mine did. So the thing is I always kinda figured that I’d end up alone… and then you came along. And you don’t just accept my quirks and my crazy stories, and my lies about my mom… you actually appreciate me for them. And I’ll never stop appreciating you for that. I know I’ll never stop loving you for it.”

I was speechless. The words stopped me for a while, thinking how nice it was. Don't you wish a lover who's a lot like Lady? Me? Yeah.

My Soul on Fire Part 2