This happened to me weeks ago. It all started when a friend of mine asked the procedure to do something which I, honestly, couldn't answer. Because it's a sort of important question, I tried to do the best I could to help. My mind began to think and soon after I found a solution, a very good one indeed. I said a very good one because it bridged me to an event I'd been begging for. I was excited to know that my wish was about to be granted. I took the first step then everything went smooth and great. I could say that what happened next really made my day.

Days after, I had second thought about series of events relating to my hope about something. Well, it led me to a conclusion that I should stop. Weird, but it felt so free to let go and then I took a precious lesson that "when there's a will, there's a way" phrase does exist in reality. Sometimes, the way, which eventually reveals the best, doesn't go for a "yes". It often goes for a "no", for my own good. But at least, I won't die wondering what probably would have occurred if I had done this or that. Why? Because I already did it, I have already answered my own question, my own hope by taking a leap of faith and accepting to act.

Yes, now I believe that when someone hopes so badly, sometimes in a series of exceptional events, the way emerges and leaves her/him with a choice, to act or to stay silent. And after choosing, well, the rest is God's business.

Will and Way

Kalau saya boleh memilih, saya tentu akan lebih suka menjelajah Jakarta dengan mobil pribadi. Alasannya klise : nyaman, sejuk, damai, dan aman. Terlebih suasana dan cuaca Jakarta begitu keras. Tapi setiap perjalanan dengan kendaraan umum selalu membawa cerita berbeda. Selalu ada hal yang baru tiap hari, entah supir baru atau kenek baru, penumpangnya, suasananya. Wajarlah ya, namanya juga fasilitas umum. 

Selama kurang lebih enam tahun, saya berkutat dengan puluhan penumpang lain yang menumpang hidup pada bis yang sama, ratusan orang lain yang berdesakan di kereta yang sama, dan beberapa manusia lain yang duduk menerawang keluar sementara angkot yang kami tumpangi terus melaju menembus hujan.

Semestinya bukan menjadi suatu rekreasi ketika harus berdiri di bis yang penuh sesak atau kereta yang terlalu penuh hingga bernapas saja sulit. Tapi, entahlah, setiap perjalanan selalu memberikan inspirasi di balik cerita dan tingkah laku pemerannya. Tiap orang dengan latar belakang yang berbeda namun menggantung hidup pada satu supir atau masinis yang sama. It inspires me in such weird way. 


Kadang rekreasi itu bertambah ketika pengamen jalanan mulai memetik gitar, membersihkan pita suara dan bernyanyi. Jangan tanya kualitas mereka. Tidak sedikit yang berbakat, bahkan piawai menggesek biola atau meniup harmonika. Ada yang menyanyikan tembang lawas dengan suara dibuat-buat mirip Ebiet G. Ade. Lainnya menyanyikan berbagai genre musik masa kini. Mulai dari brit pop hingga pop melayu. Dari Nidji hingga Kangen Band.

Lucunya, saya tidak bisa semena-mena menyuruh mereka berhenti bersenandung. Saya tidak bisa seenaknya bertindak. Mau tidak mau saya harus mendengar suara fals mereka tidak peduli betapa buruknya suasana hati saya hari itu. Mau tidak mau saya harus menahan kantuk karena takut tersesat. Mau tidak mau saya harus bertoleransi dengan penumpang lain dan kegiatan mereka. Entah ibu-ibu baru pulang dari pasar dan tidur sembarangan atau mbak-mbak ABG yang curhat dengan temannya tentang pacarnya yang selingkuh.

Semua itu hanya segaris cerita tentang jalanan. Buat saya, jalanan seperti miniatur. Miniatur kerasnya hidup di ibukota Jakarta. Saya tidak memungkiri betapa saya ingin berjuang agar tidak selamanya menumpang fasilitas umum. Saya juga tidak menolak kalau orang tua saya meminjamkan kunci mobil untuk saya. Namun, saya tahu bahwa saya akan rindu dan kehilangan sesuatu. Ya, jalanan dan dinamikanya...

Setiap Ruas

I was just walking my own blog and found a fun fact, I haven't written things about love and relationship things since err... well it's been a long time. Quite frankly, I really am a single right now and currently not even thinking (and feeling) about changing my relationship status on Facebook to in a relationship or widow, or widowed, or none ya simply because I enjoy being a single. No, no need to worry. I'm not about to write things about my own love story or someone I adore out there (being a single doesn't mean that my cute-handsome-cool-great-boys alert is turned off).

It all started when a good friend of mine re-tweeted a quote of the difference between boys and girls, in a relationship. It seemed like girls become victims in many painful relationships. Besides, weeks ago I chatted with some friends about relationship issue and found that in many ways, girls are hurt because of boys' attitude. 

I'm not writing here as a feminist. After thinking about human relationships, I, somehow, had a conclusion that girls are not always become the victims because actually we should see a relationship, especially romantic one (whether between heterosexuals or homosexuals), as an equal relationship among two parties who  are willing to make things work between them (well you may read this as love).

That's just how about girls and boys react after the crash. Okay, I give you illustrations. This one is played by B and C (ha I know it doesn't distinguish anything haha).

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B and C are in a romantic relationship and on a blue night (if you're Indonesian, you read that one as malam biru referring to a song made popular by a talented Indonesian male singer), they had a fight, a very big one. They didn't break up but decided to take a time alone to figure the relationship. On the next night, B went with their buddies, and C did too.

B : Yeah, we had a fight last night and... (started sobbing)..well, I just can't believe that...we just might end the relationship...(and continued blabbering, exaggerated things and stresses were on and B ended up crying).

And this what happened to C.

C : Yeah, we fought last night (started drinking or smoking or playing cards).Well, I love the relationship but....huff... I don't know what to do, it's getting complicated (and continued the story while figuring the solution but ended up drinking or smoking or playing cards, still).

Well, you may think it's most likely that B's a girl and C's a boy.  I'm not trying to make it in general that girls are fragile or such since we know independent, strong girls out there. The point is what most differentiates boys and girls in relationships is the way the communicate, the way they express feelings. It's when troubles come, the victims are both parties (in such a healthy relationship). It's another way to say, stop putting girls as victims or you, girls, stop being one. Girls, boys, both are human, with feelings and thoughts. Similarities and differences between them is what make a life and relationships beautiful.


Well, enough blabbering, I'm signing out.

http://s3prod.weheartit.netdna-cdn.com/images/5293222/tumblr_lcbaq5Jke51qd1te6o1_500_large.jpg?1291409265

PS : That malam biru thing, hm, I was trying to make a joke ha sorry.

Boys and Girls

I'm extremely busy nowadays. It's now common to get home at night and then directly hit the bed. And it got me think, what is the aim of all these? I just...hope for the best and pray that these efforts turn

good.

And I Hope Nothing Turns Blue

Since I was a kid, I've been wondering what "ever after" phrase would be truly like. I name it, on my mind,  ever after means happiness with no limit of time and space. But as I grow older, it seems to be so imaginative and...a little bit manipulative.

I'm not only talking about lovey dovey thingy which appears to be so beautiful and so, makes you wanna feel it like forever. Things are varied around us and we, basically, want them to be greatly arranged, all the time. In fact, they go down, sometimes. They can't always  stand for good (in this case, I call myself living witness of good-things-which-slowly-falls-apart).

I don't put the blame on the creator of Cinderella which forced my mind that forever and ever does exist. Well, it's not his/her fault either to create that such ending. Honestly, after thinking of stuffs, I blame myself. 

Most of the time, I only see how a story ends, without considering the process itself. To be honest, Cinderella was being tortured by her stepmother and stepsisters before meeting her prince charming. Okay, she still looks gorgeous even while mopping the terrace. However, no need to ask how the story drew the cruelty of her stepmother and stepsisters. Don't you think that she deserves the happiness ever after?

Briefly, I think all people deserve it. No matter how happy your life seems like, we're (all) suffering over some things.  And that's the point. I still believe that (though it sounds too good to be true) "forever and ever" does exist. But there are matters we should get over, we should forget, we should beat down, before experiencing the happily ever after. It does exist. And should be championed.

Forever and Ever

Saya sedang tertarik dengan bagaimana setiap orang memvisualisasikan kisahnya di hadapan orang.

Saya punya teman yang kisah hidupnya ruaarr biasa. Saya tidak pernah menyangka bahwa saat dia tertawa begitu lepas di depan saya, hatinya menjerit di saat yang bersamaan. Saya juga punya teman yang hidupnya, yaa bisa dibilang, indah. Tapi, dia buat sendiri distractions yang akhirnya membuat dia terlihat seolah-olah selalu dirongrong persoalan.

Saya sering jadi saksi hidup orang-orang yang bersandiwara di hadapan publik. Namun, sandiwara ini bukan seperti tangisan buaya artis yang meninggalkan kekasih gelapnya, ya. Orang-orang ini dengan riang menebar senyum dan meyapa orang dengan ramah walaupun suasana hatinya kacau karena tidak sanggup membeli sekadar roti untuk mengganjal perut di pagi hari. Kali ini, saya tidak melihat sandiwara sebagai hal yang buruk. Karena menurut saya, tidak membebankan orang dengan raut muka sedih dan kacau adalah hal sederhana yang baik adanya.

Saya tidak menghakimi demonstrative people yang secara eksplisit menunjukkan suasana hatinya kepada dunia. Ya, itu kan hak. Lagipula secara jujur, saya juga sering begitu :D. Tapi, still, saya salut sama tipe manusia yang pertama saya deskripsikan. Biar bagaimana, membahagiakan orang juga bisa dengan sederhana ditunjukkan dengan cara di atas, kan?

Ah, saya mau belajar seperti itu... :)

Night Tale

But how do you thank someone, who has taken you from crayons to perfume?

It isn't easy, but I'll try,

If you wanted the sky I would write across the sky in letters,

That would soar a thousand feet high,

To Sir, with Love

That's a lot to learn,

What, what can I give you in return?

If you wanted the moon I would try to make a start,

But I, would rather you let me give my heart,

To Sir, with Love.... 

To Sir With Love, initially recorded by Lulu

That's song from Glee's Journey Episode. What a touching song, huh? 

I'm not talking about the song or the episode either. I honestly want to share what suddenly came up on my mind while listening to it. I was thinking about being thankful.

I realize how often I grumble about things I don't possess, about problems I face, about people around me, about every single thing. Sometimes, sadly, I must be warned by unlucky random people who cross my way or stay near me. Then, I'll feel like I'm, at least, better than those random people. Sound selfish, huh? But hell yeah, most people, including me, do some comparisons to feel good or secure.

I once was taught that we, human, should not compare the gifts we have to somebody's gifts. We're personally given one life. And it's not recommended to compare. But it's still so hard, for me, to be thankful for who I am, for what I have, not for what I can do and others can't.

Lately, I feel like my life is such a gift. And I feel pretty good because of that. And as what the lyric said, what can I give in return? Well, maybe I've just discovered the answer. That's also my life that I can give in return, in different form of gift.

http://whi.s3.prod.lg1x8.simplecdn.net/images/2681309/4708823634_40d8eabdf9_large.jpg?1277145761

Thank You

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Janitor : “I just wanna say something before we kiss okay. To the guests, thanks for coming even though I didn’t want you here. I know that I’m weird, but you know you’d be weird too if your mother aged backwards like mine did. So the thing is I always kinda figured that I’d end up alone… and then you came along. And you don’t just accept my quirks and my crazy stories, and my lies about my mom… you actually appreciate me for them. And I’ll never stop appreciating you for that. I know I’ll never stop loving you for it.”

I was speechless. The words stopped me for a while, thinking how nice it was. Don't you wish a lover who's a lot like Lady? Me? Yeah.

My Soul on Fire Part 2

I was walking my own blog when I stumbled on a post titled Despicable Me. I once promised to share my thoughts about the movie (but forgot it for a while, sorryyy). And yes, this post is dedicated for that promise.

I could personally say that the movie's second best animation movie after Up. I couldn't stop thinking about good values the movie brought to my mind and heart. It sent the message through funny and silly jokes, good scenario, and appropriate casts. The sequence of events in that movie guided me to the conclusion that everybody deserves to be loved.

We're not only talking about certain kind of love here. It's more about warm love, the good one, the love itself. The story was about a not-so-young super criminal named Gru (Steve Carell) who was dying to steal the moon (it's so silly, I know). 

http://www.entertainmentwallpaper.com/images/desktops/movie/despicable_me06.jpg

Then he adopted three kids from an orphanage. 

http://img3.immage.de/30061d8despicableme14.jpg

Through several events, the heartless villain turned into a warm man who had no power to not love the kids and creatures around him.

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I adored how the three kids goofed around. They were so annoying yet charming and loving. They had no idea that Gru was a super villain. They had no aim, either, to change Gru. The best thing about this movie is how natural the kids acted. They were sincere. These little kids could affect a villain's heart.

Well, I know it's only a movie where imaginations gathered and seemed to make everything possible. Back to reality, I know it sounds too imaginative to change a villain's heart. I, personally, often hate people who turn my life upside down and call them villain. I used to say that they didn't deserve anybody's compassion. I don't even think to change their hearts. Walking away from them is the best.

But this movie has changed my mind. Well, even it's still hard to not avoid them, I slowly open my heart to forgive. And yes, I no longer say that they didn't deserve to be loved because in the end, we're all human who are basically willing to love and to be loved, huh?

When Worst Criminal was Touched by Love