Finally seeing it...

I have since ammended this post...I wanted to write something while half sleepy at 4 am and reading through again...gee...i guess i make no sense...

In my conversation with a young friend on msn...I realized...how sometimes we fail to see that gem that life can be and see it later only in reflections. Now I see how wonderful my upbringing was, and all I have that made life wonderful. No...it's nothing about material wants...it's something immaterial...it's something incomprehensible really...

When I was young...I often wondered what life is. I would stare and wonder what is this cartoon and why I would laugh. It's funny though I don't know why. Walking around seeing things and wondering is that what life is? Is life about just that? Busying about being gainfully occupied with things that stimulate us?

As I grew up I remembered clearly being bored of my surroundings. I was somehow infused with the cult of wanting and like a true follower I wanted wanted wanted...I never could see the little pleasures that I have already in my grasp or the miracle that exist in the everyday... dunno what I am talking about?

Despite having food,water and shelter; despite my lovingly attentive parents bringing me on outings to catch fish, to movies and to the occasional trip to kuala lumpur. It wasn't enough.

I remembered troubled times when I felt sad. My mum was even willing to take a whole month leave of work, just to be with me. Daily, she brought me my favourite meal and waited for me at the school gate during recess. Still I wanted more...I felt that my life has to always be measurable to more...and it will... once I get this.This thing that was material....Funny thing is...I don't even know the word material then...

There were many a times when I wanted something and I couldn't have it...and I became frustrated.Very frustrated. So I demanded. In my heart I know it was unfair but I wanted it and I don't care if the world owed me nothing...I deserve to be pleased...and I am not pleased so I will howl and I will yell until occasionally I get it.

What happens when I get it? Nothing much really...it'll just be the item for the day until it pass its novelty...and what happen if I don't get it? I feel sore, but the feeling passes and I become okay forgetting about it. The worst thing about these material wants? I ended up not seeing the joy that is around me...the infectious joy that life can be by just being...just living...and you know what?

All that comes free; from a joke from a friend to a kiss from a lover.I am starting to finally see it now...things of true non material value. Guess that's why they say you mellow with age...and I guess I've slowly found my smile in the simple things that made material things not matter anymore.

In my opinion this is life...and this is what matters...



this video was shot one crazy nite when I was at bunny's house with bunny's friend azlan...the reason why we call her bunny is because she has a bunny soft toy 17 years old....azlan suddenly decided to grab and torture the toy much to my amusement...i filmed the commotion...there is something about that smile...



My dad playing with my baby cousin....The little joys in a kids laugther....

So do you see it?

I think that's life and I hope it for you...it's all around you...and it's free and it really in my opinion matter more than anything money can buy.