You Can Come Home Again

This is a painting by rembrant of the biblical story 'the prodigal son'.The story(here simplified) is a simple albiet beautiful one, of a son who ran away from his father after taking his share of the family fortune coming home broke and world weary. He just wanted food and never expected anything from his father but despite his failings...his father ran out to him and just loved him and rejoiced for his son has come home...

Early this lenten season,I've attended a christian retreat...called the Prodigal Son I believe in God however...I don't feel God or my faith is somewhat a matter of sheer will to believe and not one that is a conviction of my heart...I decided to take time off to allow myself to find God again.



As I've said many times before...God has been good to me.For one, I am born healthy with great parents.I am blessed with good friends or have this job where I enjoy myself and make good money...I am essentially partaking in my hobby and getting paid for it.Will I be able to come from a simple Sarawakian family to Kuala Lumpur and without a degree enter the film industry and become someone who has directed a movie for the cinema?Don't get me wrong...I am not trying to be prideful...but thankful...thankful for all he's given me.

But despite him always giving to me, I have been the sinner.I have got lust and pride and though I stupidly say well,I've never killed anyone...someone blew me out of the water saying well...killing someone's spirit is killing...that I've done...screaming at people when I am angry.Yes I am the sinner.

So I went in search of absolution...but would a God whom I have been nothing but a shitty sinner take me home? Is this why my faith is paper thin or at least feels paper thin? Well...as I walked into the Loyala hall at St. Francis Xavier and I was greeted by my own home parish's Archibishop John Ha..."Nice to see you here Linus, where is your brother..." I already felt home...

Minutes later...we sang together softly and gently jesus is calling...calling for you and for me....come home, ye who are weary come home...I wept...like a baby. It was a crazy outpour of emotion from me...and I wasn't even trying to be affected by it...I was just swept by the fact that I can always go home...Later...as I was kneeling in prayer...seeing nothing but the cement floor between my feet...I cried again...and like a flush of toxins coming out...I felt great again...I am allowed to come home...no wait, I am very much welcomed home...

only the sight of my feet and cold concrete floor...and yet as i knelt...I felt an alarming presence of peace...and I cried...of sadness and of joy....



... the poor boy who is in the father's midst is bald in the painting...while this can be observed that he was a slave for a while after losing everything...do notice that it is also the head of a fetus...one of pure and innocence...you can have grace and salvation again no matter how bad you've been... =)

So for any of you weary and in need of rest...know that you are always welcome to home...don't reason...don't think...don't try to be holy...just come home....

Come to me,all of you who are heavy burdened and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28

Have a great holy thursday, a good good friday and a wonderful easter...

Emmanuel...