remembering grandpa

It's been at least two months I've been away from this blog...that's how fast life have been passing...anyway,as I return to writing my ongoings...I realised a half written blog that I left behind the last time I was here about two months back...at that time there seem to be such urgency in the issue and yet I didn't really remember to continue and post it...making it ' a post about remembering' all the more significant... being forgotten, being fazed...how life is an ever deepening layer of emotion,stories that were important being covered by layers of silt of everyday ...being eventually forgotten...but stories fading doesn't matter...at least not as much as life's importance fading...what I mean by life's importance's fading is how we tend to forget in the midst of our daily grind the life of those around us (especially those that made us who we are - our families) getting pushed aside due to modern time constraints,geographic logistic and plain old inconvenience.

Anyway...the half written blog...

A week ago I was contemplating not going home for my grandfather's birthday. I was really really up to my neck in work and would want anytime I had away to just crash and the idea of family wasn't on my mind as it takes quite abit to travel.

So I called my dad and asked him how much of a dissapointment it would be if I skipped kung-kung's birthday. My dad asked me if I knew where kung kung was. I said I didn't know. I heard the words kung kung collapsed this morning is now in the hospital's emergency ward. The mere words struck into me and I immediately told my dad I am going home. My dad said to me...no need the urgency...there's nothing we can do but pray...his solemn voice grinded guilt into my heart...

Having someone close to me fall sick really impacts me alot and I get this sudden surge of vulnerability and concern for human mortality/my own mortality that puts me in an immediate solemn and pensive mood. Life, which I often take for granted, will not always be there it seem and I should be screaming with joy that at this very moment that I am here breathing,thinking and writing...you should be screaming too for you are alive, a miraculous creation with breath and spirit reading this.

It's a wonder what we are, a single being formed by a zillion living cells capable of emotions, action, thought and through all these most importantly be an individual...my grandfather was one such individual and though he may not mean as much to many of you out there as he does to me being my grandfather, I do wonder what it really means to me..the words 'my grandfather'...I know I care and love my granfather but why do I? not because he carried the mere words of status 'grandfather' I hope.

So, a man who despite any misgivings or ordinariness is someone who has been directly been invovled in me being here? That would be unfair to my grandfather because he is so much more I am sure...so remember I am trying to do...remember what kung kung has done for me...

Even though I've grown past being a child, I was once held in his arms with great pride being his first grandchild, I remember him sending me postcards for overseas signed with love kung-kung, I remember angpows and presents, I remember his low toned voice of concern for me as I went through exams and with that I remember...my grandfather.

As I came home to be surrounded by family brought together by a time of difficulty, my Auntie Agnes rushed back from Australia and everyone were at their toes...it seems an irony,how family almost require disaster to remember,myself included...
shouldn't we remember on every ordinary day?

Fortunately,my grandfather did pull through this time...and managed to celebrate his birthday despite being weak and on a wheel chair...and as we celebrate...I remember.