Last last week. Zhiling and I broke up. But what caused the breakup? She said on breaking up with me she’ll always love me….which confused me more…so why the breakup?

We were compatible and had no personal problems, we enjoyed each other tremendously whether on holiday trips, house chores like cooking, on email or doing her homework together…the situation was I have an ex-girlfriend who is quite helpless at times and me being quite the soft hearted person, I never hesitated to help her. Pixie was generous and was okay with me helping her as a friend, but my ex was jealous and mean to pixie so pixie often felt hurt (for those of you who know my ex, please help her and be a friend to her). That aside, I was putting God aside in part of my life thinking I’ll get religion back after I’ve worked out my career. Pixie always told me these things are hurting me and disappointing her…I was just so preoccupied by life and work that I didn’t heed her advice to improve myself and the position I am in thinking I’ll do it someday…So she decided to break up with me with the hope of me seeing my flaws.

When our relationship was all gone, I went through all our pictures, emails and was just swept by how important she is to me. I was in pain as I loved her so and having to put away all our stuff as we are no longer together brought more than a tear to my eye. How could I have hurt someone I love so much… unknowingly by not doing simple pleasing things that actually better myself and keep her. Why didn’t I notice these things until I lost her? I guess its part and parcel of forgetting what’s closest to you…

I asked her lets not end the relationship on a sour note as ours but give me one more outing with her and end it on a sweet note….at first she was reluctant and said only if one of her friend come along so I said, honestly I want to have you back…but if I can’t, I’ll really withdraw. She agreed….I examined myself closely and made notes to change...I painfully compiled a scrapbook of all the pictures we took together realising even more how much I do want her; I cut my hair, bought flowers and a parting gift for her. Then, I went over to her place early in the morning and helped myself into her house as her sister was on her way out of the gate to school and made her way to her room. I awoke her like I always do by gently combing her hair…and then I gave her the flowers…she smiled…I then grabbed her hand and put it on my hair…she smiled bewilderedly…I sat on the floor next to her bad and we talked for hours...as she looked through the little scrapbook…in the end of the book I asked if she’d be my girlfriend…because the first time she asked me and claimed it wasn’t official till I asked…I never did ask so we couldn’t have broken up…so…zhi will you have my hand to have, to hold and to love…my heart was beating furiously…she said yes…

I am wrong….but I am glad, I was able to get what meant a lot to me back…. That afternoon,we were dating in the most romantic place in K.L., JPJ headquarters Wangsa Maju, as pixie had to make her international driving license...I am smilling silly…she is too…she said she is glad that I realized…and that she never stopped loving me…I guess the lesson is sometimes we should not take what we have for granted…especially love and always do our best for our love and emphasize it in our lives as much as or more so than what many of us choose to emphasize on; money and career…


Pixie is still leaving for the states…and in a week I’ll still lose her…physically she won’t be next to me for the next two years…but I’ll have her comfortingly at heart and I think for that, I am already blessed.She is seating infront of me right now...she hasn't bath or change clothes since she awoke and she has just spent quite awhile in the kitchen preparing lunch...she smells...very nice...

Thanks to Sze Hui and everyone who gave an ear and a shoulder...

Pixie and Froggie together again

linus .. linus .... i'm feeling rather calm with a fuzzy feeling inside me... asking myself am i crazy or not crazy? but i'm gonna trust my heart... and it says u're someone very special to me..zhiling 9th november 2005

On 9th November last year...a beautiful pixie fell in love with a very lucky froggie and they became a couple.Froggie is very sad to say that Pixie has left froggie on the night of August 3rd 2006 ending our relationship....Froggie was very sad the whole of today and did what any grown man would do....pour over old pictures of himself and pixie, hug a pillow and cry. A frog's gotta do what a frog's gotta do.

Froggie may try to appear funny but froggie is very sad.Henceforth, the shoot of froggie's next short film slated for next week will be push back three weeks...froggie is in no position to shoot a love story for the next couple of days.Tears corrodes celluloid.

On August 8th 2006, Froggie went to pixie's friend's place in cameron tower supposedly to fetch zhiling home...then pixie sat froggie down and said she's decided...pixie then sent froggie home...sad froggie walked in the cold rain from taman tun to cameron towers in gasing with the hopes that this crazy deed will win pixie's heart again because froggie and pixie always do crazy things......upon arriving at 5am, froggie has to sit outside for two hours in the cold waiting...for pixie to wake up...pixie didn't care to see froggie...pixie's friend tried to send froggie off with a security guard...froggie says please...I love pixie...just give froggie one more chance to see and talk...if she asks me to go I will. Pixie asked froggie to go. Head held low...froggie left...his world in shambles.

Froggie is very sad...and is trying very hard to win pixie back...but pixie wouldn't return froggie's call,sms or emails...even when froggie showed up infront of pixie's house, froggie only got to talk with pixie's dad...not pixie.Pixie first saw froggie at starlight cinema...it is very sad that froggie wouldn't get to go with her this year...

Next day froggie receive this email...

I'm truly sorry that i have to do this. but it do not nessasary means an end to our relationship. please understand that the time for an 'us' is not now.zhilling

Froggie did nothing wrong,neither did pixie.... it was just a situation that's too long to explain... it came as a shock...

Dear zhiling...

I love you...I thought we are stronger than this...you said to me at the start that "I only date if it leads to marriage" I immediately said okay and promised you that I am committed to see this through...even through long distance as you will be going to the states...and now...you walked away...I am sad but I wish you every happiness....you did say hopefully one day we will be again...well hopefully...but for now I am heartbroken and sad...Dear,talk to me....you always said one of us must always save the relationship when the other breaks...I am trying dear...

...it was a wonderful journey and I hope that I have brought you the joy and happiness you've brought me...I'll miss you...

I wish you a good trip to the USA dear…go with God’s blessing and come home safe and always be happy cause that’s how you’ll always be remembered in my heart…hopefully not for the last time dear…I love you…thank you for everything…

Dear...I will not call to disturb you...but am still here sobbing...please call me if you change your mind...

Linus

of sadness and a journey's end

Looking for young children wanting to learn to act between ages of 8-10. Must be sporting and willing to jump over small drains etc like kids of yesteryears.Ability to speak hokkien is a plus.Need 5 boys,two girls.For a short film by Linus Chung.Also looking for people too free willing to work on this project for experience.call me.012 9331415

Boys 8-10 years old wanted !!!!!!!

to enlarge photo montage click on image



On a holiday trip back to Sarawak with pixie…my 21st birthday present to her, she remarked that she wants more adventure, walking halfway around the circumference of Redang barefoot at night wasn’t enough(more on this anthr blog) …so I decided to head out to Bako National Park.

The trip start with first a drive out to Bako village where you jump on a 15minute boat ride…the boat cost RM 40 but it can be shared out by 5-6 people. It’s a very serene boat trip, hardly bumpy and the blue scenery-scape is awesome, Mount Santubong fuzzy on the distant horizon with an endless blue calm sea with a little drama, fishing posts
sticking out of the ocean breaking the silence of the image. Then as we arrive at the mangrove swamp where we jump off onto a jetty…the familiar creaks of the wooden planks lining the jetty and the walkway welcomes you on your holiday. The walkways leads to the park HQ where you have your simple sovernir shop, the administration, the canteen and not forgetting the various accommodation chalets. It’s like a little village and I ran through the trees like a kid to mine…honestly, I was expecting much much more rustic that what I got upon arrival. Though the Holiday Inn regular may complain, those for the adventure will find facilities on Bako more than adequate…luxurious even. An added plus is that you don’t have to pay holiday inn prices…coke is RM 2 lunch is RM 5

“Oh my!” pixie says to me as a wild boar walks pass us. Yes, just outside our quarters, semi detached lodge A, a wild boar happily roams free as if a resident jester while camera click away. Nature is close by…we saw silver leaf monkeys, proboscis monkeys, kingfishers and monitor lizards barely a hundred steps from our quarters too.

A moments rest and then it’s time to go on one of many trails that makes bako…well bako. A map provided upon check in is quickly referred to and off we go. There is no need for a guide as the park ranger did say that Bako is one of the hardest National park to get lost in though one season pro did get lost for four days as he tried to be clever going off trail. So off on our walk…we chose to go to the Tajor waterfalls, starting on the lintang traile we walked up to a point where we connected to the tajor trail. The walk wasn’t through beautiful greenery all the way…to challenge you it consists of rugged terrain, steep climbs and generous patches of ‘padang api’. Literally translated as fire fields, these padang api are literally sandstone walks with little or no plant covering overhead so the sun bakes down directly at you from above, its ray also hitting the white sand and bounces back at you from below. I guess you can say even cooking. Some of the people who joined us for our journey, gave up an hour in. But the ‘Padang Api’ did remind me a lot of my neighbourhood where I was growing up, its white sand that compacted to a sort of clay hold little ditches of water with ‘water boatmen’ and other little critters. The padang api did make you very grateful once you’ve reach the trees again though and serve to teach an important message that trees are much required before our planet turns into a massive toaster. Remember Global Warming people! Do your part!! . However, the relieve is short and the long path still ahead will quickly get your legs complaining.

After an hour and a half walk, we are at the waterfall. It isn’t all that big a dip and initially, I was slightly disappointed. This is it? And the water’s black too so it doesn’t really entices you to jump in. But as I sat at the edge with my biscuit and crumbs fell in the water, fighting fishes appeared. They were much bigger but more plainly coloured than the variety you’d find in fish shops but nonetheless it peaked my curiosity. Soon after cooling off sweat…into the waters I go. The black water is not dirty…it’s more or less nature’s tea as it was probably the result of soaked shedding jungle leaves. Soon, I became more adventurous and began exploring the small crevices between rocks and plants…beauty IS in the details. I was more preoccupied photographing than swimming all in all. But, as I was just getting the pleasures of the dip…it’s time to go as pixie was getting worried. It’s already five fifteen pm, and the one and a half hour walk back means it’ll be dark before we finish the trail as it. Having only about 20 minutes in the water, I reluctantly peeled away from it. Along the trail back, rejuvenated from the dip, we took time out to take a classical trick photo couples of the past often did. “Look I found a pixie!” Back to HQ, I was calm with the satisfaction from a good walk. At night bako offers a night walk and fireflies.

Only that night looking through the picture of the waterfall and other pictures I realize nature’s generous beauty. The walk suddenly seemed worth it and I wondered how I’d get pixie to agree to walk in the morning to the waterfall again; she was reluctant only because she wanted to try another trail and also we started late as the fresh chilly forest air was sooooo good to be asleep in…

Post Note. We do well to conserve nature for ourselves and our future. A note from the park ranger said that while Europeans help keep bako really clean, locals are still often caught littering along the trails…sigh… when will we ever learn.

A fRoG aNd a PiXiE in bAkO!!!